A Dear Diary moment...

Things have changed since Christmas, my way of thinking has been somewhat distorted. Life before was routined and controlled, it as negative and stressful. Neurotically minded and emotionally strained was the past. And although I would give anything to change what's happened, I can only think that my life has become somewhat untangled in ways. For the first time ever I can see things clearly. I can only do my best in what I do. University is a learning curve, if I screw it up -then it's really not the end of the world. If I do badly in something, then so what, if I can solely say that I have tried my best then I can't be upset, because frankly life is too short.

I found my laid back attitude has come as a surprise to the people that surround me. And while people could argue that it's not the best attitude, it seems that it's been a poignant turning point in my life; I work quicker and less to perfection. Don't get me wrong I can still have irrational moments of stress - but i never give up and cry.

I find myself these days looking at the people in my class the people who get stressed out and without sounding rude I 'pity' them for being in that mind set. Not in the way that you think, but in the way that I remember these feelings and how terrible the that feeling of stress can be.

I say things like "Calm down, you know your going to get it done" OR "Chill out, it's not the end of the world". Which may come across as rude or careless, but absolutely not with that intention. It's just that I want to look back at uni and think that I enjoyed it to the full not wasted three years being stressed out and leading an unbalanced lifestyle.

Who knows how it will pan out in 3rd Year? Or if this way of thinking will work. But for now it is, 3 1st's since Christmas. I've got to be doing something right. Don't get me wrong, I haven't completely changed, I'm still the same ridiculously sentimental, overly cautious, neurotic insomniac. But, I'm improving, and that's what life's about - isn't it?

To put it simply "It doesn't matter if I colour outside of the lines any more"

One ends, another begins.

It's the end of Design Realisation.

Did I think I could do it? No. Did I. Yes.

This was by far my greatest test of the year. It was going to test my strength and patience. Pattern cutting is not after all my strongest attribute, but I set myself a challenge under the ethos of "if I screw it up, what's the worst that can happen?". I unlike others had to styles of pattern cutting I had to carry out, flat pattern cutting and moulage. It was difficult but I soon learnt I prefered the style of moulage. I think it's a reflection of my style of work, free and voluptious.

People were suprised that I managed to complete the dress, but it felt good knowing I had proved them wrong.

I was so proud of my technical file by the end of it. I was unsure at first what I had exactly had to do, but once getting into it, it was fine to do. I had hoped I would get a fairly good mark for it but you never know. When receiving the feedback, I hadnt expected a first. And 80% on the dress. Wow. To say I was pleased is an understatement. But to be honest the best part about getting a first is ringing my Dad and telling him. I'm so glad he is proud of me. Because I can finally say I'm proud of myself.

Applied Fashion Design:

I feel a little bit daunted by the fact that this module is worth 20 credits, after doing many 10 credit modules and the work load not being as heavy. We have to complete a research file with design development, a trend book and then a presentation to our chosen company explaining our trend.

I'm looking into the 19th Century, Victorian dress. It's definately something I'm interested in, the volume and structure of Victorian dress, the way it embraces a womans curves, the costume oozes sexuality and confidence. In terms of tecniques, the ruffles of the skirt i.e. the bussle of the dress and the fitted structure of the corset is a demonstration of the style of designing I like. I have a more fluid, free way of thinking.

I have a week extension. Which I suppose is good. I initially didn't want to take it. Not really sure why. But in reality, when you take a week out from a four week module - you need that time extra.

The technical file was initially daunting. So much information, and to make it sucessful and to industry's requirements, especially when you don't know how to do it is bloody hard!

Well, there comes a time in your life when you realise that actually maybe you are good at something.

And mine came in the form of a grade. A 1st. I did it. It did put a smile on my face.

Design Realisation:
The brief entails, a shop report, a technical package, research and design work and a finished garment.

Again, a shop report is not my most favourite thing to do but oh well. Research and design work fairly easy, technical package - well no idea what that is. And the garment: Shit.

I was fairly aprehensive about starting Design Realisation, consideing in first year witht he similar module Creative Design Realistion, I didnt achieve a high grade. First of all, I had never picked up a pattern cutting book in my life. Secondly, when doing so, it might aswell of been in a foregin language ecause it was minf boggling to me. I tried over and over again to begin some kind of understanding of pattern cutting and it just didn't click. I think frustration hindered development in this case. Anyway, after finishing that furst year module I was quite quick to say that I wasn;t able to pattern cut. In other words I had pretty much gave up and subcome to the fact I wasn't talented in that area. However, with 3rd year just around the corner and the sudden realisation that the second year design realisation module would be the last fully making project I decided the only way I was going to learn was by challenging myself.

And I went in with the mentality if I fail then, screw it at least I tried and learnt more along the way.

So this is the mock up of the dress I've designed:

People keep saying to me "are you sure Kate, that looks pretty hard?" OR "you think you'll be able to do that?"

I was all happy and confident, determined to nail this until those comments.

It seems with me that, it takes a long time to build up my confidence to a point where I think "yeah i can actually do this" and then it takes one comment for it all to be shattered all over again.


I'm still going to do it though.

Design Realisation

Not so interested in this project. Not so interested in anything in life right now.

With happy occasions comes moments of sadness...

"For some moments in life there are no words"

See you later Christmas.